I wish that I could explain to you the Joy that exists within my heart anytime I allow myself the time to Really think about him and how much Love I feel for him. I feel as though my body has been left behind and my Spirit has been Lifted up and Exalted and Exists within some Higher, More Substantive Realm. All the Air Around me is transformed and I struggle in the time it takes to come back down to this world to resolve the difference that there is within it.
My earthly joys are explanatory; I can tell of excitement, of adrenaline, of "love", of laughter, and so on. But this Kind of Joy, Diary, cannot be Explained if One has never Known it for themselves. -I am Enveloped about inside of some kind of density that is So warm, and comforting, and surrounding, and exalting; and it sets my heart Aflame in such a Gentle way that it is impossible for me to explain.
It is tremendously and inexplicably tender, Diary, as though the wick of the core of my heart had been lit weeks ago, and now has warmed so Gently and so Consistently the muscle of the rest of my heart into an amoeba of warmth which Can no longer be Contained within me and instead Overflows out from inside me and Solidifies Completely the Entire Atmosphere of All the Air Around Me as well.
And when I feel like that, Diary, I do not want to be Anywhere else but There with That Feeling All Around me. I do not want to feel the Emptiness of the Air otherwise. Here, I must breathe within it; Here, I find myself Struggling For Air. In that Higher Realm, Diary, my Heart and Spirit and my Entire Soul, Really, is so At Peace and So In Congruence With the Atmosphere around me, that Breathing is not required as it is here. There is no exchanging of one element for another, because All Elements are Purified and Combined Into One.
It is, in my opinion, the Highest State there is of "Being". There is no incongruency to struggle with reconciling at all. The Struggle, Dear Diary, is in Realizing Even More Completely the Difference and the Dissonance of Elements that are in need of Purification here in order to Achieve Such Oneness for our own.
I will go without Don, Diary, for however long I must, but Heaven exists Only when his heart is mended into mine, and No Earthly Joy, and I trust no Other Heavenly Joy either, could cover up the hell it is without him. My heart is missing, Diary, and Only God can Restore it unto me. ...How then could I Ever forsake Him? Every earthly thing will fail you, Di, but God is my Hope, my Courage, and my Strength. And even in the times when All I've Loved has been taken from me, God has Never Failed to Grant me the Peace I Need to Carry Through.