Time passes by so slowly without him here with me. It is as though every passing moment is another eternity that keeps me forever within this heaviness and grief. I mentioned once that I'd prefer to be able to freeze time, but what I failed to mention is that that is only if I would be able to freeze the good moments and make them last forever. In the current state I'm in freezing time would be the very last thing I would want to do.
My Only Grace seems to be that all around me I know that time IS still passing, and it reminds me even on the days where I experience a sudden dissonance of detachment from everything else that contrary to everything I feel otherwise, I am, in fact, still alive, and that my heart is in fact still beating.
If the world cannot be the same for me ever again, Diary, if my sense of time and place and distance insists on remaining so wretchedly and utterly distorted, at least I can find comfort in the one constant, consistent, and unwarpable thing this life affords me. No matter the wave of feelings, or the happenings of circumstances, no matter how stuck in one moment my heart or spirit or even my entire being seems to be, I can always look to the steady clicking of the clock, or the swaying of the tree branches even in the slightest wind, or the aging of small children and find comfort in the fact that time ticks on without me. My world may be warped, but the world around me is still moving, and some days that is the Only thing that gets me through.