Donovan,

Diary,

I do not even know what to write to you today. I miss him so much more than I could ever explain to Even you. And sometimes it feels like the Only way I'd ever stand a chance at having it be understood completely, is by having him standing right here by my side, his hands gently shaped into my shoulders as though the weight of them is more a part of me than I am, and his empathetic heart and eyes Reaching out and delving deeply into mine.

I guess that is why I so naturally begin writing things out to him instead of you. I feel sometimes like even a blank page with his name at the top of it captures better Everything I feel than the paragraphs that it would take to explain it All to you. And with other people? It is nearly always futile from the start; no matter how much I mean to say exactly what I'm feeling I somehow Still yet remain unable to hit the core of it and end up talking all around it instead. -Ah, and now in typing that I want him here with me again. I am not one who has ever needed much of anything, Diary, and yet Somehow I find the Deepest truth and the most Peaceful feeling Only in allowing myself to acknowledge that it is him that I need More than Anything.

...God grant me the strength I need to endure;

Ari