The day she Knew

(She'd never be the same without him)

 

Before him there was the light of hope that one such as him existed.

After him there is the comfort of Confidence and Assurance of the realization of that specific hope's reality.

But with him? With him, Diary, the before and after mesh into one eternal Now- a Now in which even the most turbulent of times is triumphed over with the steady assurance of solidarity that Only he can bring me.

 

-Without him completely? Before the before? Or to think (heaven forbid it!) of an After in which he would cease to exist and would not carry through with me? Both are inconceivable to me. He has Always been a part of me, Diary; to live without the Now of which I speak that exists when I am with him is not at all preferable, but is somehow still bearable so long as the Before and After yet remain with me.

 

We both have a journey, Diary, which God in His Perfect Love must allow us to forge through seperated from one another for a temporary time. This is the only way for us to learn certain Truths which we could never have been able to learn if we were Ever yet together.

 

It is a Mercy, Diary, that God allowed us to forget. To have him remain with me Only as a hope inside my heart is preferable to attempting to bear a full knowledge of Once being with him and now having to be without him. I can hardly bare it these past few months, let alone my whole life prior.

 

-What is it that we learn through brokenness, Diary? -I realize that I need him- my soul is not a Soul without him. It is as though we were fashioned out of the same Spirit- split into two and only now kept apart by this denser, darker matter which we call Earth. If All the earth were purified and Lifted Up I trust, Diary, we could no longer remain apart- the Elements would demand otherwise- we would at the very moment of That Purification be immediately and instantaneously drawn back Into One another.

 

This earth is the Only thing which could Keep us apart, Diary. Ah, my heart can hardly bear it. I yearn for us to Yet be One again. And I trust that that same God which Fashioned him and I from that same piece of Spirit can hear the cries of my collapsing heart, and can feel as I have felt, Diary, the symbiotic yearning of Don's Spirit to be at One with mine. Earth and hell may combine against us, Diary, but I no longer hope, but rather Know that One Day, Love will conquer All.